....waiting to begin training.
Since being accepted for ordination training in May, I wondered how I'd feel in the quiet 4 months between that and starting college in September.
I've been surprisingly frustrated, believe it or not!
When you consider that for the last 2 years, I've lived, slept, breathed, eaten and drank my vocation, speaking about it, reflecting on it, talking and writing about it and desperately trying to make sense of it so that I can convincingly articulate it to others, this 4 month lull is, for me, quite hard.
It's like a huge comedown from a euphoric high that lasted 2 years - a 4 month comedown. I don't know whether you can understand what I mean, but I hope you can.
In this time I've also done a lot of thinking and I'm still completely incredulous as to the fact that I am a future Rev. - silly really I guess! I reckon I'll start feeling like one when I begin my formational training.
I'm SO ready for that, I can hardly wait. I get random moments, when I'm right in the middle of something, of "Oh my goodness! I'm going to be a vicar!" and with that comes a huge surge of butterflies and I get all excited and incredulous again!
I think it's because of this feeling of disbelief, both that I have been called to the priesthood and in my own belief in myself and my abilities, that I really can't wait to begin my training, to embark on that essential personal and spiritual formation of the priestly person.
Maybe when I finally get to college, I will really start to believe it's happening to ME.
Huge congratulations on making it through this first part of your journey!
ReplyDeleteI have been chewing my vocation over for 16 years and still have trouble 'owning' it. I am finally off to speak with the DDO soon, which was how and why I discovered this very useful and encouraging blog of yours.
Thank you
Hello Fellow traveller!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words of congratulations, I really appreciate it.
I think I'll always have trouble completely owning my vocation, as I feel so inadequate and undeserving of such a huge call, but that's not the most important bit, what's important is to have faith that God knows exactly why he calls us and that HE thinks we're adequate, and that HE knows what he's doing, even if we don't, and that's all that matters in the big scheme I guess.
The very best of luck in taking your next steps with your DDO. I hope and pray that your path becomes clear. I'll be thinking of you. Please do keep in touch won't you? I'm on Twitter @VicarOfDishley I'd love to hear how you're getting on and if I can offer any guidance/support please let me know.
God bless and best wishes.